I'm Hotter In Person. I Swear
I'm Hotter In Person. I Swear


am i the only one who rehearses things i might say in advance? and I don’t mean like my theoretical oscars acceptance speech i mean like what i’ll say to the pizza guy when I answer the door in my pjs

(via fake-mermaid)

Posted: 5 hours ago288,056 notesReblog
5 hours ago • 86,538 notesReblog




what if guys came coffee… i’ll have one ejaculatte please

I just spit out my coffee

You’re supposed to swallow it

(Source: meladoodle, via fake-mermaid)

Posted: 5 hours ago492,747 notesReblog
5 hours ago • 1,168 notesReblog
2014 so far











January: Selfie Olympics

February: Flappy Bird

lets see how the rest of the year goes

March: No Oscar for Leonardo DeCaprio


April: it’s a metaphors, you’re a metaphors, we are a metaphor, if I see another metaphor I’m going to kill someone





Wonder how July is gonna be

i will keep reblogging this each month





(via confirmance)

Posted: 5 hours ago946,922 notesReblog


One time in sixth grade I was being bullied really badly, and this whole circle of people gathered around me and the girl that was bullying me, and she smirked and went ‘You dumb rich bitch.’ And everyone was like OOOOOOH and I stood there for a second before pulling 20 dollars out of my wallet, placed it in her hand, and said “Buy some better insults.” And I swear the entire lunchroom rioted.

(via confirmance)

Posted: 5 hours ago385,305 notesReblog
Anonymous has asked: Why are you so angry about JLaw's nudes being leaked? I thought you didn't like her.


  • i am angry because this is just another example of women being shamed for taking nudes instead of the douchebag who spreads them being shamed for violating someone’s privacy like that
  • i am angry because nobody deserves this, regardless of how i feel about their personality
  • i am angry because this is pure misogyny and shows how women aren’t respected in our culture
  • i am angry because she did not consent to having those pics posted everywhere but they still were
  • i am angry because on the VERY RARE occasion this happens to a male celeb he is not shamed but rather the perpetrator is and it’s forgotten quickly whereas this will haunt jennifer for years and years to come
  • i am angry because this was a sex crime and people are treating it like a joke
  • i am angry because she is being exploited/objectified and some gross dudebros are probably jacking off to those pics 
  • i am angry because people are CONGRATULATING the fucker who did such an atrocious thing to her instead of being appalled 

listen i may not like her personally but the fact remains that as a human being she is entitled to body autonomy and to choose who sees her naked body and who doesn’t 

5 hours ago • 29,483 notesReblog




i miss the surprise bitch meme someone bring it back


(via joshpeck)

Posted: 5 hours ago2,454 notesReblog


"How’s school?"


(via confirmance)

Posted: 5 hours ago307,776 notesReblog
"In a gender-equal world, Beyoncé could strut her stuff freely because she wouldn’t have to prove her intelligence, even if she was shimmying in a tight-fitting dress. Men have the liberty of shaking their hips without their intelligence being questioned, but women don’t." - Elizabeth Plank, Beyonce doesn’t have to choose between her sexuality and feminism (via micdotcom)

(via dylansmole)

5 hours ago • 7,118 notesReblog



i miss getting party bags at the end of parties why dont we still do that party bags were the best part of the party

It was like a reward for being sociable

(via ispeakineloquently)

Posted: 1 day ago343,963 notesReblog


"Learn to take a joke"

Yeah learn to make one

(via joshpeck)

Posted: 1 day ago56,502 notesReblog
"All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair." - Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven (via carapherneliahearts)

(via squidlyjellyfish)

1 day ago • 5,252 notesReblog




today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket 


today on satan makes a blog post

(via joshpeck)

Posted: 1 day ago394,330 notesReblog



you know how every girl in the world has a secret code with her girlfriends for when they need a tampon well when I was younger the code was ‘japan is attacking, do you have supplies’ I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain the joke but just to be safe


Oh my fucking god

(via squidlyjellyfish)

Posted: 1 day ago79,208 notesReblog